Self-Coaching & Stubbornness

As a kids I was always so eager to to follow the directions of a coach or teacher.  Starving for knowledge and attention, I absorbed it like a sponge from whoever was offering.  I was the kid who was the teacher’s pet or the coach’s favorite in other people’s eyes, but not for kissing ass.  My parents were supportive & present, but I wanted more involvement which is why I befriended teachers, coaches, their kids, & anyone connected so that I could spend more time learning from them.  I was the kids who dreamed of being an Olympic athlete…in a variety of sports from softball & tennis to triathlon & marathon now.

My dreams of being a “pro” or sponsored athlete haven’t faded much despite a strong dose of reality that I turn 30 in 2 months and time is a tickin.’  Whether or not those dreams become a reality isn’t the point anymore but working towards them is.  The only problem now is that I bounce from teacher to trainer to coach like a bouncy ball, sort of.  Some might say I was learning what I needed to from each along the way, but part of me craves consistency and stability just like I did as a kid seeking guidance.

Every time I get a schedule or a workout, I “ugh.”  Ok, well not every time.  Mostly when I think it’s too hard or too easy or doesn’t fit my schedule that day.  Sometimes I follow it as written, other times I tweak the time or distance, or change the entire day & type of workout.  I must say that I do this because I’ve read too much and looked through too many plans, books or articles that give me a false sense of “knowing what I’m doing.”  I suffered from this a lot as a the kid of a doctor & lawyer who felt the same way about himself.  Like father like daughter.  It got so bad so when someone as school got hurt or sick, they’d come running to me asking for a diagnosis & a solution.  Sad thing is I gave one, and even worse, often times I was right or pretty close.  Adding insult to injury or swelling to an already swollen head.  Over the years as I began to reflect more about life, goals, strengths, and weaknesses (companies love to ask about these), I realized that practicing honesty with myself and others was going to be important in prioritizing my life.  From then, when people asked me something I didn’t know for sure, I’d just say, “I’m not really sure.  I can give you a best guess, but I really have no idea.”  And if I made up something & spouted it off confidently without recalling my commitment first, I’d immediately go back and say, “I’m sorry, I just made that up.  I’m not sure what the truth is.”  Believe me, I got some crazy looks and a lot of laughs but I learned a lot and I think it gave others permission to be human as well.

So when it comes to knowing & acknowledging my limits today, I still struggle.  Whether it’s because former coaches let me down or I just didn’t have the mental strength to succeed, I don’t know 🙂  All I know is that I want to improve, and every time I meet with or see my current coach, John Hanna of E3Tri, I feel seen, supported, grateful, and confident.  The results are blinding for me, yet I still buck authority after being my own authority for years as I got more connect to my own mind, body, & spirit through yoga & Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy.  As an athlete and human being, I have to balance my need for self-support & the support of others.  Learning to trust & let go or stand strong & step up.

What challenges have you encountered in your training?  Not just training for a race but in training for life…the much harder game to play.

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